For an evening, I forgot.

Then touched by the pain was reminded.

I tumbled into the depth and found the grief that lurks.

The memory of your face on the day our eldest was born.

The sound of your laughter when we heard number three was a girl.

The smell of your car, your shirts, that apartment, it all still resides here.

Wherever I go, and I will go to my grave, those reminders will join me.

The world says I am strong.

Yet my heart aches to rest in my weakness.

Please Lord give me the space to feel, the opportunity to process, the chance to be real.

There is no roadmap in mourning.

Let me be at peace with a heart that aches for all that was lost.