Breathing deeply.

Exhaling into the new year.

Living in the here and now.

Realizing that while one chapter closes it creates the space for new chapters to begin.

Waiting to see what her colors will be-

how this butterfly will spread her wings.

Thank you for the cups of coffee, the glasses of wine, the hugs in passing and the smiles across the room.

Thank you for your encouragement, for your visits, for the meals, for the generosity shown to my family and I.

Thank you for the words uttered in prayer, over emails and in late night phone calls; those words have carried me through these months.

Thank you for making me feel strong.

Thank you for making me feel loved.

On this Christmas, I could not be more grateful for the opportunity to fully appreciate all that this life has given us.

With our sincerest appreciation and much love for the kindness shown,

the Schmaltz Girls wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy, Joy-Filled 2014.

I am not Superwoman.
I do not have all the answers.
Every day I fail.
I fail -
at home, 
at work,
in my relationships with others,
in my relationship with God.

We are taught from a very young age that we can have it all;
that we can succeed at absolutely everything.
But the fact of the matter is that no person can possibly live up to those
standards.

It is in the failing each day that we gain the most- 
the most insight,
the most humilty,
the most love.

I hope my girls walk away from their years with me with the understanding
that it is ok to fail.
Not that we are striving for nothing, but that in order to succeed we must
understand that the chances are just as good that we will fail. 
Failure adds, it does not diminish.

I am not the sum of my failures but I am their learning's.
They stretch me.

So tonight I will forgive myself for my failures.
I will forgive myself-
for the wrong words used with Ellie,
for the inattention to detail at Audrey's party,
for the promises I didn't keep,
for the misstep at work, 
for the failing to give thanks.

Tomorrow I will get up and try again.
I am not Superwoman.
I am simply a woman striving.

These girls are magic.

They are spit fires.

Their smiles light up rooms.

They have an ease about them that makes those who encounter them feel instantly accepted.

They fight hard and love hard.

They know who they are and own it with confidence.

They are love.

Sometimes the days fly by in such a blur you feel like all you’ve done is chase them down all week.

And finally, when given the chance to pause at 6am on Saturday morning with a blanket of freshly fallen snow lining the backyard and three little girls sleeping in other places, you realize that the days flying by were a gift. A gift not in that time moved so fast, but a gift in that your days were so full of love and adventure that you hardly had time to realize it when moving through them.

Every Monday morning at 8:30am I meet with my boss. Often on a Sunday night at 8pm I find myself scrolling through the previous weeks emails to refresh my memory and gather my thoughts before our weekly standing. It can be overwhelming when you look at life through the lens of an inbox. But this morning, when trying to recall all that filled my week, I went to my inbox – this time not focusing on the work but on everything else.

There was the $5 Starbucks gift card emailed to me by a former coworker now turned dear friend. She just wanted me to know she was thinking of me. The love in that simple act reminding me of all of our “coffee breaks” together over the years.

There were the countless emails planning for a trip to the range with a coworker. On Thursday night that hour and a half trip made me feel unbelievably strong and capable.

There were the emails about Sid’s desire to scout horses with her riding instructor. Ah the joy in her eyes when she came back that night from her adventure.

And there were emails from coworkers asking me to lunch or planning the pre-holiday party get together. The get together that coincidentally made me laugh until it hurt.

This is my life- my crazy, beautiful gift of a life.

How privileged am I to be able to chase down these days and run through these weeks?