January 28, 2025

Dear Brock,

Where to begin?

So much has changed yet everything is the same.

Ellery is still spunky, Audrey introspective, Sidney determined.

There is a new puppy. Yes, I said yes. Who would have thought that?

There are a lot of moments each month where I want to text you.

Our coparenting was one of mutual admiration for the lives we created.

And now you are our watchman.

Rest easy my friend, they are steady.

That being said I need your help.

Remind them of their worth. Let them feel your love.

They question, as all teenage girls do, their place in this world.

Help them to remain resilient yet kind.

The best people stand ready to acknowledge the pain present in this life. They are here for that.

They ache for you and want others to understand that longing.

They know you had to leave but feel lost without you as their constant

What they need today is the reminder of your being.

Bring them sunsets.

Shine down rainbows.

Remind them of the magic of being fully present in a moment.

I am sorry I couldn’t understand.

I wish I had been more available.

Our parenting partnership has not ended,

it’s morphed into a new phase.

Send me signs when you sense the rain clouds forming. Guide me in the pursuit of parenting.

I know you will always be around and in that I am grateful.

H

Dear Matthew,

Your servants heart saved me this year.

The most brutal 365 days could be endured because you showed up each morning willing to serve.

It allowed me to be weak.

It gave me permission to fold.

On your birthday I want you to know how grateful I am that you chose me.

I want you to understand how deeply you are loved and respected.

How much I admire your strength and how I look to your faithfulness as my North Star.

I wish for you a new year filled with all of the happiness you have given to others.

I hope for many moments in which you feel a deep sense of peace.

I cannot promise you easy but what I can guarantee is a life lived in love, together.

Happiest of Birthdays my Matthew.

I love you more everyday.

Love,

H

P.S.- when I heard this one I immediately thought of you.

Dear Audrey,

Your dad and I kissed Sidney goodbye while she slept, gave Nani and Papi a hug and left our house in the very early morning hours of January 12, 2007. I don’t remember much about the 30-minute drive to the hospital or all of the pre surgical prep. What I can recall, like it was yesterday, is the feeling of the doctor lifting you from my body and the loudest cry we had ever heard echoing through the room. “You have a 10 pounder” Dr. Stockwell said (he was off by a few ounces) and in those next seconds the most angelic face appeared in front of me. It was as if God granted us the most beautiful baby ever made.

From the second you made your presence known you have graced us with such love. Anyone who spends even a minute with you is impacted by your big heart and your even bigger smile.

And now you are 18 and I am supposed to let you fly but I can’t help but want to hold on tighter.

It’s not that you aren’t ready. My head knows you are.

You are compassionate.

You are generous.

You are thoughtful.

You are smart.

You love your friends and your sisters in such a way that it makes them feel known and respected.

I really just don’t want to let you go because I don’t want to live each day without your radiating light.

You have some big decisions to make in the coming weeks.

Know that we trust your judgement and you need to make the choice that is written on your heart.

Your bedroom will be waiting for you when you come home.

Matt and I are so proud of you.

Daddy is upstairs cheering you on.

You are never alone.

All my love, forever and a day,

Momma

P.S. This one has been waiting for you.