Category Archives: Parenting

11

Posted on by under Parenting

Dear Audrey Hope,

Tomorrow you are 11.

You are light and love and everything good in this world.

At school pick up the other day Miss Amy said to me “Your Audrey is confident. She knows who she is.”

I couldn’t have said it any better. You have such a sureness of self.

You love cuddles and warm vanilla milk,

books and fireplaces,

the history channel and stuffed animals.

You care deeply for those who cross your path.

You are a story-teller, a truth seeker and a beautiful child of God.

Everyday you teach me. It’s been that way from the start.

I am incredibly blessed to have this front row seat watching you become more of who you were always meant to be.

This year will be full of more change-

middle school, a new house and a new big, loud family.

I have no doubt you will live this year with zeal, passion and yes more confidence.

Happy new year my girl. Happiest of birthday’s.

God bless and keep you safe.

Love,

Your Momma

This year’s birthday song just about says it all. I’ll be right here baby girl.

Raise them up

Posted on by under Parenting

I’ve been their tour guide for the first piece of the journey.

My job to try to point out the potholes as they toddled.

They are now beginning the walk away.

I’m not going anywhere, at least I have no plans to, but the road ahead feels much more pilgrimage then it does all-inclusive guided tour.

Their own trails to blaze, their own words to write.

Adventures to be had with and without me.

The desire for this year is that they know themselves in a way I didn’t.

And that they and their new companions on this journey are led by the gentle promptings of God.

Happy 2018. Happy trails.

 

 

 

To Blend

Posted on by under Parenting, remarriage

People often inquire now how the “blending” is going?

It’s simultaneously beautiful and hard I confess.

Grace doled out on a daily basis from husband to wife, girl to girl, stepparent to stepchild.

Like my races, some miles punctured with highs and others with lows, I find the hours of my days stretching out in the same manner.

The secret sauce I am finding is in the surrender.

If I recognize that so much of this transition cannot be controlled, if I lead with love, our new family thrives.

Nothing worth having comes easy my papa would tell me. How right he was.

 

 

 

Imperfect

Posted on by under love, Parenting

Here’s the deal, this woman,

this one here,

in the white dress and big smile-

I’ll let you in on a secret.

She’s broken.

She fails daily.

She at times finds it hard to breathe.

She’s been a less than perfect ex-wife.

She’s struggled with forgiveness.

She is an impatient mom.

She willingly admits these faults now because she is a recovering perfectionist.

In the recovery she has learned that the only way to slay the dragon is to acknowledge it and to name it.

You see the chase to perfect has eaten her soul at times.

It’s driven her body to revolt with shingles and kept her awake at night struggling to make her home look just as perfect as she hoped her heart would feel.

But perfect is an illusion.

It always leaves you wanting more.

What she craves is the joy that is born from the brokenness, from the failing.

So today, when she fails at work, at mothering, at being a wife, she will pause and remind herself that this life is much sweeter when she loves herself as her father loves her.

With or without that white dress and the big smile, full of imperfections, she will rest in his arms.

 

 

 

 

 

To Float

Posted on by under love, Parenting

It was in this moment I knew, what she meant when she told me to float.

Here, in this church, pews lined with those who had been cheering us on, I felt myself float.

And as we vowed to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, a rush of our heavenly father’s love enveloped us.

A love I thought I needed to earn; one that couldn’t possibly be meant for this broken, sometimes bitter, woman.

But, yet I stood with this man, too impossibly good for words to describe, in front of six ecstatic girls pledging to walk with him forever. The father’s love for us palpable.

It happened because I said yes.

When feelings lay heavy on my heart to become Catholic, I said yes.

When he whispered in my ear that if a relationship was of his design, it demanded more, I let the old fall away and said yes to the new.

When my daughters said it was time for Momma to fall in love, I said yes to the trying which lead to those three new precious souls running into my arms and the subsequent yes to all that loving.

And when he called me to float down that aisle to the man in the gray suit who was pledging to become one with me, I listened.

I said yes.

And I floated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Transition

Posted on by under Parenting

Sometimes a momma’s heart just hurts.

There are things she cannot fix with kisses or hugs.

Little girls growing pains, stretching that at times feels unbearable.

The urge as a parent is to fix it, yet fixing isn’t what she asks of me.

I listen and hold back the words, refrain from spewing all sorts of advice. And in the holding back learn that parenting is sometimes best done in silence.

This transition from child to young adult is about learning to sift through the quicksands of life on one’s own.

So I will sit, make up excuses to take her for morning coffee and steal hugs when she passes me in the hall.  This time I cannot make it all o.k. but I can hold the hurt in my hands and blanket her in love.

 

 

 

 

 

To be 7

Posted on by under Parenting

Dear Ellery Jane,

Wow did this year just fly.

I look at you, sound asleep in my bed, and I still see remnants of my newborn.

Seven years ago you emerged on the scene, eager to take your seat at the table.

Life instantaneously became more interesting with you in it.

You are full of big words and big ideas.

You are passionate.

You are hilarious.

I am so proud of the person you are becoming.

This year will be full of change. We talk about that a lot don’t we?

Do me a favor baby girl- keep talking.

Keep using your voice to tell us how you feel.

Those feelings are real, they are valid and they deserve to be heard.

I can’t wait to watch the next twelve months unfold for you.

Thank you for the happy you bring to our family.

Happy birthday my beautiful girl.

Love,

Momma

P.S.- Your favorite part. I gave you a sneak peek earlier this week.

This year’s birthday song.

 

The Dress

Posted on by under divorce, Parenting

It was wrapped in layers of tissue.

Purging led to its discovery.

The girls couldn’t have been more delighted by the appearance.

The dress a 22-year-old girl wore to wed her beau,

now worn by the next generation during a nighttime game of dress up.

They twirled and spun and looked more first communion than wedding day.

And as laughter filled the house, smiles in honor of the dance that brought us here.

 

 

 

 

Wake Up Call

Posted on by under love, Parenting

“Wake me up in the middle of the night Momma”.

What she really means is when the sky is dark, grab me from my bed, wrap me in a blanket and cuddle me on the couch.

Before sissy’s wake up, homework needs completed and breakfasts are made, in your arms give me moments of quiet slumber.

A tradition started soon after her daddy moved out.

My alarm clock would ring at 4:45am and the treadmill would beckon.

Most days, when I would return from the run, I would find her asleep on the couch. Awoken by the movements of my mornings; needing me, but knowing even at three the importance of those runs for her Momma, she staked her claim on the couch and patiently waited.

Together we came up with a solution.

The morning run complete, I would sneak into her room and whisper in her ear,

“It’s the middle of the night, shall we cuddle”.

And now as we await the addition of four new family members, the requests have returned.

She is finding her own ways of articulating what she needs to manage this life transition.

And, I am finding, our needs are not all that different.

 

 

 

 

13

Posted on by under Parenting

Dear Sidney,

Thirteen it is,

at the threshold of high school,

a teenager.

I just love who you are.

Hard-working,

dedicated,

focused,

helpful,

endlessly fascinating to me.

A gazillion words and none could do justice in describing you.

Over the last twelve months, it has been such a gift to watch you grow your talents.

You are acutely aware of the needs of others, whether that be your horse, your best friends or your Momma. The way you engage with thoughtful questions and generous compliments makes each person in your presence feel loved and valued. That gift my dear will take you farther than any algebra skills ever could (apologies to your eighth grade math teacher).

Your drive is impressive. Would you do me a favor though? Give yourself a moment each day to pause and reflect on all you have accomplished. There will always be something else to strive for, but the here and now will be gone before you know it.

Thank you for your laughter, your cooking abilities so lovingly shared with your family, your attention to detail and for kissing me goodbye in the drop off line at school.

I’m very excited for your year ahead.

Happiest of birthday’s Sidney Reagan.

Love,

Momma

I promised you nothing sappy for this year’s birthday song. I failed. I love you baby girl.