Dear  #7 and #8,

It’s been over two years now. The spring had me all out of sorts and I missed the opportunity to mark the day you came to us.

So here we stand. We wait for the system to mark what our hearts already know is true.

You are ours.

You have been since the day we saw you.

#7 we held on to you so tight this year. The trauma your little body endured is unimaginable for those of us who have walked an unblemished road.

You are our fighter. To feel that fight I just need to be reminded of those moments as you awoke from the anesthesia in the PICU. The way your body fought for the freedom to be present. Your cries for your Papa and your anger over the tubes, the wires- all the things that tethered you to a place.

You my dear girl are a flurry of activity. You are movement, you are breathe, you are the joy found in jumping, in dancing, in dreaming. Thank you for bringing a piece of heaven to our world. I am consumed with the beauty you bring.

#8 we got to see you bloom this year. You came out from your sister’s shadow and showed us that even through the heartache that light could be found. You made us laugh in the hard days, rejoice in the heartache and dance in the twilight while catching lightening bugs. We saw love in your eyes.

I am continually amazed by your faith. The way your body is a prayer. How you fold your hands at mass, bow your head at night and share without hesitation your love for those in your orbit. Thank you for your Hallelujah.

The struggle in Christian faith is to live in a world where you feel as if the lord has orchestrated everything and nothing at the same time. You my darlings are that paradox.

I pray for the family that brought you into this world and I grieve that they could not keep you in their care.

Here is to the year ahead which will no doubt find us beneath the brightest sun embracing the hard and the good and the different way that only our family knows.

I love you more than the stars in the sky, more than words can say and bigger than this (arms outstretched). You make me believe in the goodness of this world, that slow and steady wins the race and that I would rather spend 5 minutes living in heartache and beauty than a decade of just so so.

I will forever be your biggest cheerleader.

Love to the moon and back.

Momma

PS- More for me then you……