You’re not married because of us Momma.

The night was drawing in when she spoke the words with a chuckle.

Some days she’s my twelve year old and others she still the 6 year old wanting me to kiss the boo-boo on her finger.

You’re not married because three girls is a lot Momma.

Why can’t this cocoon I have wrapped us in shelter my children from the language of the world?

The pause was long while I waited for the words to come.

I told her of how our hearts were broken after the divorce;

of how important it was to heal and protect them until the time was right for someone to enter in.

I told her of my belief that our God would pick just the right partner, friend and mentor to join our family when he felt the time was right.

I looked into those blue eyes and spoke of how special she was and whether I married or remained single it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with God’s plan.

I reminded her of our community, knitted together of friends and family. A community of people who live around the block and half way around the country and choose to participate in our lives simply because they want to be near her radiant light.

And then as I always do before bed, I kissed her forehead five times. Snuggled in tight, with the smell of her freshly washed hair on my pillow, I promised myself I would begin each day with a whisper in her ear, you are special.








For my former spouse and his soon to be bride

Dear Brock and Allison,

These last two years have been a journey for all of us. But your wedding day is not about what was, it is about what is.

You have found in each other what many dream of and your life will come together before your friends, family and our God in just two short months.

As we lead up to this joyous occasion, but before the frenzied pace of the last weeks before your wedding, I wanted to pause and let you know a few things I have been pondering.

There is great beauty in this moment.

A story of God’s grace.

The chance to start anew.

While I play no role on the day of your wedding, know that the role I play in the coming years of your marriage is one I take very seriously.

As the mother of your girls Brock and of your mentees Allison, I will be here to support you on this journey. I will always hold your marriage in the highest regard.

I will seek to reinforce its place in the lexicon of our family.

I will remind my children of the extra special life they lead to have so many grown ups committed to nurturing them through their formative years and beyond.

Your marriage will have a very important place in their lives.

You see you have the chance to do what thus far has alluded me.

You can show them the stability and strength in a lifelong commitment. How man and women can live in unity with each other.

I may never get to be that example for them. But you two do.

So I will have this unique privilege of watching your married life unfold and lifting it up from afar.

I will pray for you daily and seek God’s guidance as to the best way forward for all of us.

Enjoy this time in your lives.

Know that I believe the best is yet to come for you both.



merton quote