It’s pretty magical this life we lead.
One glance at my pictures from the last ten days and I am reminded of the blessings of this life….
Category Archives: Parenting
For my former spouse and his soon to be bride
Dear Brock and Allison,
These last two years have been a journey for all of us. But your wedding day is not about what was, it is about what is.
You have found in each other what many dream of and your life will come together before your friends, family and our God in just two short months.
As we lead up to this joyous occasion, but before the frenzied pace of the last weeks before your wedding, I wanted to pause and let you know a few things I have been pondering.
There is great beauty in this moment.
A story of God’s grace.
The chance to start anew.
While I play no role on the day of your wedding, know that the role I play in the coming years of your marriage is one I take very seriously.
As the mother of your girls Brock and of your mentees Allison, I will be here to support you on this journey. I will always hold your marriage in the highest regard.
I will seek to reinforce its place in the lexicon of our family.
I will remind my children of the extra special life they lead to have so many grown ups committed to nurturing them through their formative years and beyond.
Your marriage will have a very important place in their lives.
You see you have the chance to do what thus far has alluded me.
You can show them the stability and strength in a lifelong commitment. How man and women can live in unity with each other.
I may never get to be that example for them. But you two do.
So I will have this unique privilege of watching your married life unfold and lifting it up from afar.
I will pray for you daily and seek God’s guidance as to the best way forward for all of us.
Enjoy this time in your lives.
Know that I believe the best is yet to come for you both.
Sincerely,
H
Seasons
They’re beginning the walk away.
No longer toddling towards me arms out stretched.
I find myself staring at their backs as they lug their own bags, carry their own loads.
The season of parenting those whose physical needs are great is now over.
Sid makes dinner for us each week more nights than I do.
Audrey doesn’t need reminders to brush her hair, say her prayers or wear a coat.
The days of bathing children are finished as Ellery spends as long as she can in tepid water, lathering her hair and singing songs to her babies splashing in the ocean of suds.
I am supposed to tell you that I am ready for the season to have passed,
that I am embracing this next stage of my life and theirs.
But in reality, I never thought at 38 that my years of giving birth and nurturing babies would be complete.
Maybe I should have.
There is always an end why shouldn’t mine have been today?
My heart knows the joy I have here in this moment.
The beautiful ladies who fill my days with laughter and tears,
the children that teach me how to be a better person.
And in that I will be grateful.
Time
When you are nine years old and all you want in the world is for both your parents to attend your student led parent teacher conference.
And when the stars align, you feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have your parents rapt attention for thirty minutes. You have all the time in the world as you talk about the things at school that make you happy.
That right there is a good day.
Broken
“Momma why is it this way?” she asks me.
The eyes imploring, wanting more.
“We couldn’t make it work, your Dad and I”.
“We had big dreams that we couldn’t share. Now your Daddy has someone who shares those dreams and it will be good”.
“So you broke apart then Momma” she whispers as she unlaces her fingers from mine.
“Oh my Ellie girl nothing is broken. It can’t be broken. You exist.”
“I don’t understand Momma”.
“Daddy and I made you. You are made from the best parts of each of us woven together. You aren’t broken are you?”
“No Momma I am whole”
“So you see then even though Daddy and I aren’t married nothing is broken. You and Audrey and Sidney make us whole”.
The Foundation
I am their foundation.
I see and understand it more clearly each year.
That smirk Sidney makes when she throws a biting comment my way, that’s my smirk, my biting comment.
Ellie’s pants this morning, her hysterics over the way they felt touching her belly. Her insistence that “nothing in my closet fits”. That right there was a thirty-eight year old women in a five-year old’s body.
And Audrey when she nods her head in agreement to something you know she doesn’t feel in her core is right, I see myself, a million times over saying yes when really I mean no. Trying hard not to rock the boat.
We go to church,
have amazing friends and family.
and are surrounded by love and opportunity.
But, that means nothing without something to emulate. A living, breathing, model, that twenty-four hours a day shows them how to rise and fall.
It is me.
The responsibility sits on my shoulders.
And in that responsibility, is quite possibly, one of the most profound privilege’s of parenthood.
The window into your own behavior and the chance to course correct.
The chance for each of us to do better.
Breathing
It’s amazing where life takes you when you stop waiting for it to begin.
Breathing it all in and living in the moment.
To be 9
Dear Audrey,
There is joy in your heart and beauty in your soul.
You are a pleasure to parent and a gift to those who have you in their lives.
You radiate love.
I have no reservation, no doubt, that you will do incredible good in your lifetime.
Nine years into your journey and you have already made a mark.
I remember the overwhelming sense of gratitude I felt in the moments and days after your birth.
My big, beautiful, healthy baby that slept through the night immediately and snuggled like no one ever snuggled before.
You are heading into a new year, a new opportunity for growth and change.
But let’s not lose sight of what makes you, you.
Your love of adventure (we made some great memories last year);
your desire to do good;
And your faithfulness to your friends, your family and your God.
I am excited to walk with you through this next year!
I promise more adventure and more magic.
Happy Birthday Audrey Hope.
You truly are extraordinary.
All my love,
Momma
P.S. This year’s song captures your energy. When we all heard it we knew it had to be yours:
The Joy
The book lives in my cupboard.
Dog-eared and worn, cover long since lost.
It comes out once a year as Christmas tradition demands its recipe for peanut butter cookies.
So we sit together, stirring and scooping the peanut butter goodness.
The years fall away. The girls grow and the tradition remains as if nothing has shifted.
It doesn’t recognize one less person around the counter.
The tradition delights in the joy of the making of a moment.
As each candy is unwrapped, it doesn’t acknowledge that this year Ellie is the one to make the candy train and Audrey has graduated to rolling peanut butter balls.
Nor does it see that Sid is actually in charge of the baking and I their momma am now just a witness to it all unfolding. My hands are no longer needed, just my gaze taking it all in, recording the memory.
The tradition will out survive me.
My girls will teach their girls and what will be left is that book and
the feelings of joy in the moment.
Summer’s end
I wish there had been more days of playing in the dirt.
More chances to run through the sprinkler.
A few more nights spent running barefoot outside.
When the soles of your feet, at evenings end, turned the bathtub water black.
Our lazy days of summer are behind us.
It’s back to a world dictated by meetings, homework, practices.
Summer’s end always leaves me aching for more.
A Joyful Life 