My Hallelujah

She dreamed of a man who worked hard, loved Jesus and lived a life of service. One who would desire a women and three beautiful babies to walk through life with.

Each night praying for him, not by name but with descriptors. Every morning awaking hopeful hearted that today he would appear.

One day it was as if it all made sense.

The man in the pew in front of her with his own three beautiful babies.

The Sunday’s spent watching as he patted heads, tenderly held hands and shepherded souls though mass.

Grateful that she had not missed it.

Through the loss, her God had led her here.

Now nearly two years since that date, she can hardly remember a moment he wasn’t a part of her peace.

As he turns the page to 40 she dares to dream what 40 more will look like by his side.

The babies they will raise.

The mountains they will climb.

The love that will be multiplied.

Tonight she will thank God for answered prayers, for her hallelujah.

 

 

 

Breckenridge

At first the thought of leaving seemed selfish.

Money had been spent on a wedding and a Disney vacation with our girls was around the corner.

But, if we didn’t carve out time alone now, then when?

After sifting through options it became clear that 4 nights and 5 days in Breckenridge, CO was where we were meant to land.

Twenty- four hours into our married life, we boarded a plan and found ourselves in the middle of those mountains.

And with nothing preplanned we made our way to daily mass where beautiful people prayed for our marriage then gave us some tips on good food and hiking.

Up to 12,500 feet elevation we climbed one day. My stubbornness almost got the best of us but this man, this partner, he’s my balance and his steadiness gave us direction.

We spent hours talking about our goals for the future, for ourselves and our family.

And when it was time to go, more gratefulness flooded my heart.

Happy to see our girls and ready for the real journey to begin.

 

Dear Future Husband

Dear Potential Suitor,

I live a big life.

A life that is full of hope, joy, laughter.

A life that most days finds me kneeling in prayer, dancing in the kitchen and crying over my cup of yogi tea.

If you enter my life you too will get to be a part of this mess of glorious chaos.

You will have the chance to encounter three of the most precious souls ever created. They won’t need you as their father (they have one they love and cherish dearly). What you will get is a chance to be their friend, their mentor, their partner in crime.

They will love you wholly and unconditionally as they do all of their Momma’s friends. And your heart will grow and stretch in ways you didn’t know it could from something not born out of your genetics. I promise you this, your life will be better lived having known them.

And from me, what can I offer you?

You will get a woman who owns the bruises and the battle scars of a life well lived.

A less judgmental and more forgiving woman then her younger self.

You will get a woman who knows her strengths, acknowledges her weakness’ and lives in the glory of God’s grace on a daily basis.

You will not get perfection.

In fact you will get a women who can be sullen and quiet.

A woman who craves moments alone and obsesses about when she can escape the noise and clutter, find an open road and just run.

I don’t say all of that to scare you away but rather to be completely open about the “good” and the “bad” you will encounter.

I can’t promise you a life of sunshine and rainbows.

I won’t even attempt to.

What I will promise is that together we will grow and stretch in ways that only those engaged in a thoughtful, intimate partnership can.

I don’t know the where and the why’s of how we will come together.

I don’t get a glimpse down the rabbit hole that names the time and the place where you will carve your name on my heart.

Just know that I am here, waiting and open to the possibility of a second chance.

With fondness and respect,

H

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