I’ve navigated the channel of divorce in a forthcoming manner.
I share the experience and what I have learned in hopes that in the offering others will gain.
I acknowledge the wrongs I have made, maybe in an attempt to set things right.
But one area I’ve never felt comfortable sharing publicly is how I manage, at 38, to navigate a world vastly different from the one I left in 1999 when I took another’s hand in marriage.
There are cellphones.
There is texting.
People email and very rarely write letters.
Courting is a foreign thing and love is often decided in minutes rather than months.
Many times over the last two years, I have pondered walking away.
My life is full.
I have everything I could have ever asked for and more.
So why then would I travel this difficult path that may or may not place me in front of a person to share my world?
Am I hoping for that fairy tale ending? The knight to ride in, sweep me off my feet and bring me the stability I often crave?
I’ve learned to love my state of independence too much.
My decisions are my own. My life made up of my choices.
I date because it makes me uncomfortable.
I date because I can learn more about who I am when I examine myself through the lens of another.
I date because God called me to live in community with others and the most intimate form of community is partnership and marriage.
I don’t know what the plan is for my next years on this earth.
I imagine there will be some heartache. I guarantee I will face down fears.
Ultimately it is not in my hands who does or does not walk this road with me.
I may not know what lies ahead, but I believe I am up to the challenge.