When you are nine years old and all you want in the world is for both your parents to attend your student led parent teacher conference.
And when the stars align, you feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have your parents rapt attention for thirty minutes. You have all the time in the world as you talk about the things at school that make you happy.
That right there is a good day.
“Momma why is it this way?” she asks me.
The eyes imploring, wanting more.
“We couldn’t make it work, your Dad and I”.
“We had big dreams that we couldn’t share. Now your Daddy has someone who shares those dreams and it will be good”.
“So you broke apart then Momma” she whispers as she unlaces her fingers from mine.
“Oh my Ellie girl nothing is broken. It can’t be broken. You exist.”
“I don’t understand Momma”.
“Daddy and I made you. You are made from the best parts of each of us woven together. You aren’t broken are you?”
“No Momma I am whole”
“So you see then even though Daddy and I aren’t married nothing is broken. You and Audrey and Sidney make us whole”.
They handle it all with the grace grown women envy.
Together we navigate the hello’s and the goodbye’s that have grown easier over time.
Audrey to me last night at bed “I miss you when we are gone but I am so happy to be with Dad”.
They are learning a lesson now. There will always be someone in their life to miss.
But this missing is for the moment. The goodbye not forever and the ties that bind us as family, them to me and he to I, will always remain.
I have the joy of watching them flourish under their father’s care, while my soul is feed spending hours focusing on what makes me a better mom, a better person.
There is magic in these choices we have made. While not ideal, not perfect- we have the chance to live a life filled with opportunity for all of us.
This is family.
It is messy.
It is complicated.
It is authentic.
There are trying days.
There are moments of anger.
Mom and Dad no longer have the benefit of rolling over in bed, calling it a night and sorting it out when cooler heads prevail the next morning. The grace they give to one another now is not dictated by martial bonds but rather by the parental strings that tie them together for eternity.
It isn’t always easy.
It will never be perfect.
But it is family regardless.
Dear Friends and Family,
We apologize for this mass e-mail instead of personal correspondence with each of you, but as you know we both value the written word and felt it the best way to convey this news.
We have decided to divorce.
We know this will come as a shock to many of you and it is already rocking our worlds, but one thing that hasn’t changed is that our priority is the children.
We have created an amazing life for these happy, contented, well-adjusted young ladies and we still view the five of us as a family regardless of whether or not their parents live in the same house. Those of you who know us well (which means everyone on this email) know that we have always charted our own course and don’t always do things by society’s perception of the “rule book”.
So keeping that in mind some thoughts for you to consider:
1. There are no sides. We have arrived at this decision with a great deal of thought and consideration. We are not angry with each other. In fact we love and appreciate each other so deeply that we have chosen this course for the betterment of our individual well-beings.
2. In light of the above – please don’t feel the need to eliminate either one of us from your lives. We love and respect each one of you and the role you play in the lives of our significant other.
3. We plan to continue to be a family so that means you will see us together a lot- at school, gymnastics, basketball and even at holiday gatherings. We want this period to be as stable for the kids as possible.
4. We will need your support and love- a listening ear, a hug, a kind gesture will help sustain us through this time. But please don’t use this time as an opportunity to speak ill of our significant other to us. We may need to bitch, moan and complain but what we need most from you is the space to do that and the knowledge that you will not use it against us or our partner in the future.
5. Finally for the kids, give them hugs, kisses and love. Give them the grace to approach you on the topic if they so desire. We ask this of you because our children don’t think of themselves as different. They are well aware of what is occurring between their parents and they feel very much loved and supported by both of us. Too many staring gazes or pitiful expressions from well-intended friends and family will only serve to make them question what they believe to be true.
Thank you for your love and support of our marriage over the last 14 years. Regardless of what happens legally in the weeks and months ahead we will always be proud of what we have accomplished together.
Much love,
Brock and H
A Joyful Life 