It’s moving fast.

I’m always amazed by the incredible swiftness of life this time of year.

Overnight we’ve changed from the lazy days of summer where adventures sit around every corner and the sun never sets to this new season of deadlines, homework and preplanned activities.

Even the girls bodies are effected. They fall asleep nestled under covers and awaken as if emerging from a cocoon now too tall for yesterday’s pants; feet too large for their glass slippers.

Don’t get me wrong I love the rhythm of this time of year. The chance to get back into a routine. But I am always moved by visual reminders of the rapidness of life changes that present in this season.

We start preschool. Where we long for old teachers and familiar classmates.

We ride new horses when treasured friends have found new homes.

We take up new activities. Trying to carve a place for ourselves at the table too.

And we pause and reflect in the midst of it all. A sunday morning paper, big girls consumed by books and a little sister insisting that while the pool may be closed she will still wear her water wings and pretend it’s summer. Because “You know Momma, next year I won’t need these”.

Yep Ellery Jane you are right, next summer you won’t….

Dear Sidney,

Today you turn 10. You hit the double digits!

You will celebrate by eating Krispy Kreme with your classmates and having dinner out tonight with your sisters, dad and I. You must wait until Monday evening for your true birthday celebration at the barn with your riding friends. Given the opportunity to do anything for your big day this year, that is all you wanted, a night with your horses.

It seems like yesterday I watched you hop on a pony for your first lesson and here you are today a veteran show rider and horse enthusiast.

Now is the part of your annual birthday letter where I start to wax melancholy about how time has flown. As I type I can almost hear you –“Mom I’m not going anywhere. I’m just turning 10.”  Given your intolerance for my weepyness I will just skip right through the trip down memory lane and head to the meat of it.

Sidney you are one amazing young lady.

Your smile lights up a room.

Your passion for your friends and your ponies fills my heart with such joy.

Your work ethic is incredible.

What other 9-year-old would come home from the first day of fifth grade only to sit down at her computer and “work ahead” because she did not feel “challenged” by the day’s activities?

I love watching the person you are becoming;

the young woman you are turning into.

You my love are everything good and perfect in this world.

You are strong.

You are smart.

You are beautiful.

I feel so privileged for the front row seat I’ve been granted to watch your glorious life unfold.

I hope I can always be a rock for you, the steady hand you need to guide you on this journey.

No doubt your tenth year will be amazing.

Happy Birthday Sidney Reagan.

You are my heart set free.

Love,

Your one and only Momma

P.S. This one makes me think of us and the next stage of our relationship.

A week in the life of Ellery Jane.

There were trips to the zoo riding camels and merry go rounds.

There were sisters to chase at the park, climbing mountains on our own.

There were nerves over first ballet classes. “Will they like me?”

And there were friends popping up at unexpected times. An impromptu ice cream date after sister’s dance class.

To live each day through the lens of a three-year old is to truly experience life.

New experiences and new challenges.

Moments of indecision and question.

Surprises around every corner.

And most of all joy found in each day.

I work at this remarkable place.

A place where kids from all over the country come to be treated by the world’s best and brightest and kindest.

A place where cutting edge research informs how those kids are cured.

A place that doesn’t take no for an answer, that continues to push the envelope on discovery.

And this year that place that saves so many played an important role in my transformation.

Work was my refuge and my friend this year. An unbelievably supportive team of coworkers helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel and knowing that there was something greater that I was working for gave me the motivation to keep running.

Everyday I walked through those hospital doors and I was given a gut check.

My problems were not that big.

My mountains not so insurmountable.

These kids have bigger hurdles.

So as I continue my quest to run through 2014, my October race will be very special.

My coworkers and I will be running the Nationwide Children’s Hospital Half Marathon and we will be raising funds for this amazing place.

I know you are asked often by friends and family to support many amazing non profits.

But if you are looking for a way to end 2014 with a philanthropic gift, I encourage you to consider this place and this race as the time to do it.

It’s for the kids.

http://nationwidechildrens.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1100840&supid=402951129

Dear Cara,

Hi! It’s your Aunt H writing you. You know the baby hog? The one who doesn’t want to ever put you down? The momma to your three crazy cousins?????

You have a big weekend coming up. You will be baptized on Sunday and I am feeling extra grateful that I get to be a part of your special day.

I am incredibly humbled that your mom and dad asked me to help guide you in your faith journey. Because of that I wanted to write down a few words in hopes that one day when you are old enough to read and comprehend you can pull out this letter and understand how much I love you, how much this day means.

You my darling, adorable, bright eyed, rolly polly niece, are one lucky lady. You have been born to two parents who not only love you immensely, but who have the “stuff” that it takes to raise you and your brother in an exceptional environment.

You see your mom and your dad are beautiful, articulate, loving (tough as nails too), rock solid parents who have had their share of ups and downs in life. And those ups and downs are what have made them so uniquely positioned to help you move through your life.

But there will be times my sweet girl when mom and dad’s words, while well-intentioned, may not be enough.

You may turn to your Aunt H in hopes that I have the answers but only find that those answers feel like they too are failing you.

In those moments my wish for you is that you understand you are not alone.

That sometimes answers are unfolded instead of announced.

That with head bowed in prayer or eyes upwards towards the heavens the answers will come.

They may not be in the form you expected. They may not be what you wanted.

But if you sit in it. Let those moments of solitude and reflection with your God fill your soul then you will have a peace that surpasses understanding. You will be ready to receive the answers unwanted and wanted.

Sunday will be the day that you begin this process. The day your parents announce before a church full of friends and family that they and I and your other godmother want to help guide you down that path.

What I can tell you is that my relationship with our God has brought me more than any earthly relationship could. That my faith walk is one that has rewarded me in ways I find impossible to articulate.

I wish for you to experience that same level of comfort.

I love you Cara Dahlberg.

I love that I get to be a part of watching  you grow and thrive in your relationship with God.

Happy Baptism Day.

Love,

Your one and only Aunt H

A few things from our last 7 days…

Songs that make a three year old dance, when she really didn’t feel like dancing-

Articles that make you stop and think–

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/date-reader-readers-best-people-fall-love-scientifically-proven/662017/

Little girls feeling better-

Big sisters that work to make it happen-

Teeth that fall out at sleepovers-

And little girls turning into big girls. Saying goodbye for 6 days as they leave on a grand adventure-

Happy Weekend!

It’s been a rough 48 hours for our Ellery Jane.

I wont recap them all but the good news is we know that she has Pneumonia with a rash and swelling associated with the bacterial infection and we know that she can be treated at home. Correctly identifying what is ailing a child can be an art more than it is a science. And for the art of the last 48 hours we are extremely grateful, although that is not the reason I write today.

Today I am grateful for fish tanks.

At this place where I work (and where my Ellery Jane was treated) we have a slogan “Everything Matters”.

I use that slogan on an almost daily basis as I do my job.

I talk about our spacious single patient rooms, our investment in cutting edge technology, our healthy and delicious cafeteria and our underground parking that all contribute to making the experience here a much better one for our patients and their families.

When we opened the new inpatient tower in June of 2012 I spent 72 hours in that new building touring community stakeholders and selling them on that fact that when it came to designing the tower “Everything Mattered” to us.

Over the last 48 hours I lived it and you know what really mattered to my three-year old?

The fish tank mattered.

Yep the distraction provided by a 1400 gallon tank in the Emergency Department waiting room made all the difference to a child who couldn’t walk because the pain was too great and whose little body was revolting on itself by swelling its joints to ginormous proportions and covering her in hives.

My child didn’t have a life threatening illness but she was in extreme discomfort and wanted nothing more than the arms of her parents and the “catfish” she saw in that tank.

As we left the ED on Sunday night and the lights were off on the tank she made me stop to say good-bye to her catfish. On Monday afternoon on our way back there she wanted to tell daddy all about her “catfish” and then again on Monday night as we left that place for what I hoped would be the final time over the 48 hours, my very tired and sick little lady had to make one more stop by her tank to say good-bye to her fish.

Yes Ellery Jane received the best care imaginable over the last 48 hours and for that I am incredibly grateful.

But this afternoon as I reflect back on the last few days I am also thankful for the moments of joy my daughter found by watching a fish swim around its tank.

I am most thankful that I work at a place which recognizes that those moments can be just as important as those spacious rooms we designed.

Everything does matter.

http://www.nationwidechildrens.org/

This past Sunday we returned from a week spent on St. Simons Island. I think I’ve spent way too much time during my work week looking back at photos from our time away.

After a 12 hour car trip we arrived in our happy place on the most perfect Saturday afternoon. We couldn’t wait to kick off our shoes and get our toes in the water so we literally did that the minute we arrived before unpacking a single bag.

The next day, being a Sunday, our favorite breakfast hang out was closed so we settled for a quick bite at the house before hitting the beach.

I pretty much looked like this all week. Not a stitch of make up on and a wardrobe that consisted of swimsuits, cover-ups and sundresses. The best way to be.

We did a lot of this over the course of the week-

We also spent a ton of time just exploring the beaches. July is turtle hatching time on both St Simons and Jekyll Islands so we got to see a lot of these around the beach. The girls were enthralled with the idea that little baby turtles were growing just feet away from where they played in the sand.

Speaking of turtles we did hit the Turtle Sanctuary on Jekyll Island and said hello to some old friends.

On occasion we made it out of our beach clothes to hit the shops we love to frequent. If these girls know how to do anything they know how to talk Mama into purchasing almost any item of clothing. Ellie’s favorite purchase of the week was this dress. The big girls quickly dubbed her “Queen of Poofeyville”.

I managed to log over 35 miles during the week. The people at this fantastic place took care of my kids and kept them entertained with Zumba and Boot Camp classes while I ran until my legs grew tired.

http://stsimonshealthclub.clubhouseonline-e3.com/Club-Info.aspx

When Saturday rolled around and we knew we had an at least 7 hour car trip ahead of us to begin the journey home we stopped one last time on our way off the island to soak up the magic of this place.

It’s impossible to adequately articulate the joy and peace this place brought to us over the course of 7 days. I am grateful for the opportunity to have these moments with the most special little ladies I know……

This past Friday I turned 37.

I celebrated with a walk on the beach, Cinnamon rolls from Sweet Mama’s and a home cooked meal prepared by my two eldest.

The emails, texts and phone call birthday wishes came throughout the day. So even though the girls and I were alone on St. Simons, I felt 100 percent loved and connected.

That seems to be a metaphor for the year I have lived. As I closed the book on 36 I thought about how this past year could have been incredibly isolating and lonely. How in the early days it felt that way. I struggled as an extremely private person to open myself up to my friends, family and coworkers; to put words to this ugly thing that had torn my life as I knew it apart.

But very quickly as words crept out and I told others that my 14 year marriage had fallen away, I realized how surrounded by love I truly was.

The words spoken in hushed tones in hallways at work;

the late night texts;

the trips by friends to visit on weekends they knew I shouldn’t be alone;

the meals cooked;

the letters received and then taped to my bathroom mirror;

the long forgotten parts of me brought to the surface by friends reminding me of my identity separate from that of wife and mother.

Yes my year was spent in the loving embrace of those who have chosen (or been chosen) to walk this life with me.

So as I dip my toes into the waters of 37, I do so knowing that an army stands behind me and beside me. With their support I know anything is possible.

37 will be a magical year.

Flying by the seat of our pants.

Trips up north and now down south.

Parades and fireworks;

races and sunsets.

Engaged and enjoying each moment.

This is what summer is all about.