I am continually reminded of how lucky I am to have these women in my life. Women who drop everything to fly thousands of miles to spend the weekend loving on my girls and I. Women who cook me meals and bring them to me at work. Women who text me everyday just to let me know they are thinking of us.

It was Aunt Jen’s turn to fly in this weekend and she brought the ever adorable baby Emma. My girls were over the moon excited for their visit.

How could you not want to spend every waking moment with a face like this?

Emma and Jekyll bonded. Thankfully Emma is the most laid back, happy baby and could care less about all of the “kisses” from him.

I told Jen about Sidney’s frustrations with learning the violin. The first 6 months of learning any new musical instrument can be extremely slow and annoying. Aunt Jen gave Sidney the pep talk and the tools she needed to get over this hump. I caught her playing last night without me reminding her so I do think it worked!

The girls loved the chance to focus their attention on everything Emma. Again most grateful for how relaxed she is. Can you imagine eating dinner with this in your face each time?

We wrapped up the weekend with a visit to Aunt Lisa. While the grown ups ate the house grew a little too quiet. We caught 4 of the 6 little girls in the house doing this-

Yep playing Go Fish. No protests, no arguments just happy times playing a card game on a Sunday night.

The weekend was good for the soul.

“Weeping may linger for the night but joy comes with the morning” Psalm 30:5

Grateful for mornings.

A text from a friend urging me to get out of bed at 5am and run because she knows the treadmill will heal me.

Coffee in hand, breakfast consumed, ready to take on the day but first the 3 miles that will make me feel strong enough to do it.

In times of trial blessings take unexpected forms. Today it takes the form of a text message on a morning when I especially felt the need to bury my head under the covers and forget that it was another day.

Joy initiated by a note from a friend willing me to just run.

Words that moved me this week:

Good Timber

by Douglas Malloch

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

Songs that moved me:

 My dear friend Robin found this one and sent it my way.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder by The Secret Sisters

I’m new at this whole divorce thing. So I often turn to the internet to help me find resources to guide my children. The internet can be a great thing but in this instance it was my first mistake.

I found the book Dinosaurs Divorce a few weeks ago and ordered it after reading numerous recommendations from blogs and fantastic online reviews. Amazon in their oh so speedy way had it at my door within four days.

http://www.amazon.com/Dinosaurs-Divorce-Guide-Changing-Families/dp/0316109967

Now let me preface this by saying I am sure that Dinosaurs Divorce is an excellent resource for families going through a divorce it was just not the kind of resource that this family was in need of. But, because my girls are amazing little creatures they were able to find joy and laughter in a moment that could have turned horribly bad.

Mistake #2 Momma should ALWAYS preread books on divorce before sharing with her girls.

It started with this line “Parents divorce when they don’t love each other or can’t get along together anymore”.

Oh poop. The questions began.

“But Momma you and Daddy love each other and you get along.”

Then we hit this: “When parents can’t agree lawyers and judges decide. Try to be honest if they ask you questions; it will help make better decisions”.

“What do they mean judges Momma and asking me questions? You and Daddy have already decided where we will live”.

It was probably around page 9 that my girls decided this book didn’t apply to them. They knew it in their hearts. It wasn’t our families road map for divorce. But, they wanted to keep reading because now the whole concept of Dinosaurs Divorce was hilarious.

The silly questions and comments commenced.

Sidney- “So I’m thinking that Audrey and Ellie go live with Daddy and I stay here. They can come over to play and stuff but then I wouldn’t have to put up with them all the time. Deal Momma?”

Audrey- “The book says that sometimes one of the parents may act like Santa Claus. Can Santa Claus just come live with us instead?”

Ellie- “Momma I get two parties!!! Kate and Taylor can come over for a tea party twice!” (The book may or may not have suggested that sometimes divorced parents cannot get along and holidays and birthday parties will be celebrated twice as much).

What happened next I should probably label Mistake #3 but I don’t know that I truly believe it as such. I should have put down the book, but we kept reading when the section called “Meeting Parents New Friends” appeared at the top of the page.

I groaned uncomfortably.

The girls giggled uncontrollably.

A picture of a dinosaur dad introducing his dinosaur kids to his new “friend” appeared on the page. Let’s just say that the new friend appeared to be rather well endowed and had a nice j’lo esq booty. The girls picked up on it immediately and began with the “big butt” comments.

The next pages talked about parents remarrying and living with step parents. The same image emerged of the big butted step mom with the following statement “Pick a name for your step parent that you find easy to use and your step parent is comfortable with”.

And it was there that Step Mom Big Butt was born. My girls lost it. Parading around the room butt pushed out as far as they could shouting “Step Mom Big Butt come help me with my homework”; “Step Mom Big Butt you have a great butt”.

All so totally inappropriate but at the same time a completely appropriate response. My girls found joy in the moment, in their own way.

Their giggles filled the house and then it filled the phone line as they called their daddy to let him know what they discovered by reading this book- Step Moms are more well endowed packages then real Momma.

Finally, Mistake #4. Maybe I should not have recorded the following-

Before she sleeps each night she asks me for two songs, always in the same order.

“Baby Mine first Momma”.

“Now Amazing Grace Momma”.

Why those songs? Of all the lullabies why does she choose a song from Dumbo and one of the most recognizable hymns on the planet to ring in her ears each night?

She’s old enough now that when the first strands of Amazing Grace leave my lips she joins me in the tune. Some nights her big sisters wander in and together, knees bent, hands on her belly we all sing.

I once was lost but now am found was blind but now I see.

Many a night the ritual has been rushed. A quick verse of each song, a peck on the cheek and the sign of the cross on her forehead before I slip out her door.

Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved.

It is on those nights that I have rushed through a verse of each song that I often find myself sneaking back in long after she has gone to sleep to touch her hair or brush my hand across her cheek.

I wonder if she knows I did not mean to rush her. That I understand she needs my grace each night before she closes her eyes.

And I wonder if she knows that I need her grace too.

How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed.

Tuesday

Thankful for:

1. The last glimpses of fall colors.

2. Friends who drop off dinner and other friends who drop off loaves of delicious bread

(especially when they know you can’t cook).

3. Toys that keep a three-year old occupied for more than 10 minutes (thanks Uncle Ryan).

4. Girls growing and realizing that one day they may be each others best friends.

5. Movie night with Audrey. She is the best cuddler.

6. Discovering new songs that just sort of fit the moment.

Hey Brother – Avicci and Dan Tymniski

How does one continue on with a blog entitled “joyful life” when life doesn’t feel so joyful right now?

How do you look up at the world around you when you feel entitled to weeks and months spent hidden under covers?

I’m finding the answer in taking living one day at a time. Slowing down from the incredible force with which this life moves and making myself find joy in every moment.

There are long conversations with neighbors turned friends where they remind you to not turn away.

There are evenings on a treadmill where you are grateful for the lung capacity to keep breathing when your legs are on fire and you heart physically aches.

There are soccer lessons where your middle child shows up and turns out to be the only girl on a team with 11 other boys. Moments spent in awe of that 6-year-old in her head to toe pink taking on the boys, no fear.

There are dear friends who share their good news with hopes it will bring a smile to your face. And it does, because their news makes you feel like life does and will go on.

And there are little girls who make you bracelets to wear so that when you are alone all you need to do is look down and feel them with you.

I am not sure what today holds but I know I will find my pockets of joy.

On a gray day 6 years ago, as the turning of the page added another year to my mother’s life, my father passed away in her arms. The journey of life so starkly juxtaposed together.

For the last 5 passing’s of this day I have let myself sit in it- let myself be absorbed by the numbers on the calender; looking inward and thinking of nothing but my loss and the loss of my family.

This morning, I woke up, hopped on the treadmill and ran a quick three. Somewhere in my slumber I had decided that this October 23 would be different and I would face it down. I would run straight into it.

I think it’s a fitting test of my promise to spend the year looking up spending this day paying attention to all that surrounds me.

Ellie’s calling now. She’s wearing her new Sophia night-night gown and wants to dance at the ball.

I think I have a dance partner waiting.